26
January
2010
It’s my pleasure to share more of the information from Daniel Pink’s lecture on Pink from his lecture in Dallas on Friday night. This is the 2nd part of highlights from his presentation, which captivated all of us. This fresh insight puts myths about motivation where they belong: In the Past (IMHO)
If you’ve ever driven on CA freeways, it is no surprise that punishment is not a huge motivator for human behavior. Yes, we pay tickets for talking on our phones, speeding, etc., Yet, after renting a car at LAX, I continue to see the same motivation to “Drive”, which is fueled by the need to get to wherever you’re going in the most creative way possible.
Even a nice letter from the CA Department of Motor Vehicles for being an incredible driver doesn’t make a difference. To be honest receiving a “Dear Ms. Lowry, Thank you for respecting our traffic laws while you were visiting our Golden State” probably wouldn’t motivate me to model exemplary driving either. People are busy and stressed and want to do whatever it takes to save time to be with family/friends/ clients or whoever and whatever in the most creative innovative ways possible.
I was a resident and know several escape routes to avoid traffic. My motivation was all about my need to accomplish my own preset goals…unless I needed to make a pit stop, which is obviously a biological motivator. 
Getting to Santa Monica to meet friends for dinner is pure intrinsic social motivation for people like me. It’s all about the friends and not the salad, which would be biological. I did and will continue to find a way to get there to enjoy a hang out night with friends and defy the odds of arriving an hour late via the freeways.
My comments are based on the lecture presented by Daniel Pink in relation to his new book, Drive. After recycling his words in my mind through my experiences as a parent and educator, it was truly fascinating to hear about three findings based on studies. You may find these results surprising. As the cover of his book states, these conclusions support the “The Surprising Truth of What Motivates Us”-Intrinsic Motivation……Findings from the studies were as follows:
When students from MIT in Cambridge, MA were asked to do tasks involving rudimentary (boring) cognitive skills, it seems that the performance was poorer even when higher reward incentives were offered. The same findings were also found when the same study was repeated in India. In India, where the quality of life is really lacking, it appears that higher incentives actually led to poorer performance. “Creative Thinking was valued higher than rewards”. Hmm…my “teacher wired mind” did an 
exorcist spin on that note.
In regards to a study regarding art…commissioned work was rated as less creative as non-commissioned work. Some artists make huge big bucks for their commissioned work. Yet, when expectations and explicit instructions were taken away artists seemed to be more creative.
Note to self and all educators: (Do I really need to give detailed rubrics for each assignment to motivate my graduate students to produce great work? Again, I think that I may have wasted my time by designing model detailed rubrics.) Rubrics offer a way for students to compare their work with the expectations for making a good grade on an assignment. I agree they need to learn the basics, but is there room for freedom to learn to think as students learn?
Interviews of students, who attended an art and design school, determined that those, who chose to attend for external factors (pressure from family, need to do something, need to earn money eventually, etc.) ended up quitting. However, students, who really wanted to be there (intrinsic motivator) usually finished the program and were successful artists. The bottom line according to Pink was that “Those, who are least likely to pursue extrinsic rewards usually receive them.”
These findings defy what we’ve been led to believe about human behavior. I’ve taught the course on behavior management for three different Universities in the Dept. of Education. I’m truly humbled by this information and certainly want to rewind the tape.
Yes, external rewards do work. However, they aren’t the chief motivator for human behavior. Every course I taught had an objective (determined by the powers that be) related to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Survival and safety are on the low rungs of our basic needs, so we know why “carrots and sticks” seem like a good idea. However, pitching “Jolly Ranchers” to students to encourage them to participate in class discussions really short changed the students. Mia culpa to the 3rd power!
The results are in folk and Dan Pink put the pieces together to defy the myth that rewards and punishment are the key to human motivation. Think about your own internal drive. Based on what fuels your passion do you believe that humans were meant to be active and engaged and not passive. This is certainly true for my life. How about your life?
I would appreciate your feedback on Intrinsic Motivation as it relates to business or education. Why do so many people want to “Escape from Cubicle Nation?” Why do entrepreneurs stayed fueled to hang in there even when the money isn’t coming in faster than we can deposit it? Does this new information on motivation translate to a different way to raise our children?
As always, I love your comments.
Mary Ann
Posted: Articles, Life Coaching through My Blog
15
January
2009
My space in cyberland: or I guess I should say cyberspace is back!!!
In my last blog entry I encouraged you to “mellow out” and “not stress over the small stuff”. Since I asked you to do the same thing, I managed to tame my inner lizard during the week. When I felt the sensation of worry or fear, I talked to “Lenora”, the name I gave my inner lizard, and managed to stifle the arrows of “angst”.
I’m sharing this tale of woe , as a means to encourage you. You really don’t have to worry. You can give it up for a week even two weeks and things will work themselves out. Putting yourself under stress and fight/flight survival only hurts you and really won’t solve the problem. If you feel that you and only you can solve your problems, remember that this is a limiting belief that holds you back.
Most of your friends want to help you. They don’t know that you need help unless you ask. Prayer really works and God has zillioons of lines available to connect. You are not alone. Don’t waste one more minute of your life yielding to the impulse to worry.
One cool thing about being a life coach is that I’ve learned to be my own self-coach. I offer a program for all my clients and workshop participants called “Self Coaching 101″. It’s a cool way to examine your thoughts and reframe them to stop the suffering. If you want to take advantage of this two session free opportunity to learn to be your own self coach, send me an e-mail: maryannlowry@mac.com You don’t have to live in my neighborhood. We can do this over the phone.
Blessings,
Maryann
Posted: Articles
30
October
2008
Okay, tonight’s the night I’ll be sharing more information about cultivating a resilient spirit in your own life.
Of course the hope is that you’ll also see the importance of offering the same training in developing the trait of resilience for your children.
I’m shining my one little light or trying to use my tinyspace on the plantet to make the world a better place. I do believe that it starts at home. Parents are the first teachers.
The cool thing about Brain Development is that resilience is a trait that is available for everyone. The brain is dynamic…open to change and I’m offering tools to help you rewire your brains to adopt a resilient mindset. I am a reformed worry-aholic and it took work, but my brain finally developed some new connections that allow me to bounce back quickly once I allow myself time to think about things.
This is a tough time in our country for many and I don’t want to downplay the grief, worry, misery, sadness, depression that accompany a huge lifestyle change, financial woes, worries about the future. There are other ways to cope and I want to talk about this on the call.
Join us by calling 712-432-0600. The class code is 296049# The class is scheduled for tonight October 30th at 9:00 EDT, 8:00 CDT, and will be repeated live beginning at 9:00 p.m PDT and 8:00 p.m. MDT.
I’m repeating the call for the convenience of parents, who have asked me to do a series of free calls. I’ll also have the recordings posted on my website at a future date.
E-mail me if you want copies of the recording ASAP: maryannlowry@mac.com and I’ll send you the recording and class handouts.
Hope to hear many voices tonight, as we discuss this topic at a time when there is collective concern about financial issues, the election, etc.
Blesssings,
Mary Ann
Posted: Articles
7
October
2008
If any of you watched the debates tonight or even listened or read news, you already know that the economic picture in the U.S. looks a bit gloomy. People are caught in the left brain verbal chatter of “Lack and Attack”. It’s a blessing to have language, but the inner verbal chatter can really drive one insane with fear. One thought produces another thought then another and then suddenly…you may picture your family living in the SUV due to all the “what if’s”. That’s a prewired survival mechanism in the primitive (reptilian brain). Our friend Mr. Lizard has the same primitive survival instinct. The difference between this primitive fear of survival between the reptile family and ourselves have to do with the fact that humans are blessed with language. If you’re like me, I can think things to death until I’m suddenly living my worst nightmares, but only in my thoughts turned into feelings of fear, tension, etc. Our body goes into survival mode even though we may be sitting in the comfort of our living room with a full refrigerator. To date, I’ve never slept in my car…with the exception of a need for more comfy quarters while camping. Yet, I can be out on the streets in seconds once my lizard brain starts popping out thoughts of distress like flashbulbs going off in my brain. I’m actually going someplace with all of this. Our thoughts which produce excess stress and or fear never ever ever work to make our lives easier. Instead this verbal chatter brings on more stress and shuts down the creative part of your brain to creatively develop solutions to make our lives easier. Even Jesus, the greatest man, to live on earth due to his divinity commanded us “DO NOT BE AFRAID”. That was a command and not a suggestion from a “self help guru”. To get out of this left brain chatter mode, life becomes so much easier if we start thinking more with the right brain. The right hemisphere houses the part of the brain that feels joy, happiness, play streaks, etc. Humor and laughter will move us into more of a left brain mindset. Today, on the elevator a Mom joined three of us, as we were going down. Her tiny, one month old daughter, was absolutely adorable. We all smiled and genuinely said such sweet things to this beautiful child. After they left, my friend Claire, mentioned that no one ever talked to her like a baby while she was on an elevator. I couldn’t resist the temptation to really stare at her lovingly and tell her how adorable she is. We all laughed and one person commented that she would actually love to be adored and treated like she was absolutely the cutest thing we’d seen. Everyone else admitted that this would be a treat on certain days. There was a lot on my mind. Claire was concerned about her husband, who had just had open heart surgery. Being silly for a few minutes felt really good. When life feels overwhelming, Martha Beck recommends that we need to set aside time for fun and play to stay out of the stress of the left brain. Here’s your coaching homework for tomorrow. Find one thing, joke, incident to laugh about. Find a way to play…even if play means going on a hike by yourself. It will make a huge difference in your mental health. Left brain chatter won’t solve your problems. From experience, I can tell you that worry never made things easier. It’s better to acknowledge your feelings and move on to something fun. That will actually stimulate new neural connections and will slowly serve to level the playing field between the right and left brain. let me know what you thinK?Maryann
Posted: Articles
7
October
2008
Uh, sorry for those of you, who read my blog on a regular basis and for those of you who don’t. I was MIA during September. I broke the laws of “Great Blogging” MIA CULPA! MIA CULPA!Talking about my health and/or the weather and my old socks is not exactly great content for a blog, so I don’t usually discuss any of those intriguing subjects. However, I guess I need to talk about my health for two reasons. First of all i missed blogging for “Invisible Illness Awareness Month”. Why is that such a big deal? I want to promote the fact that there are people using those handicapped parking places, who don’t look sick at all. Yet, they have an an invisible chronic illness and/or maybe an invisible chronic pain issue. I talked about my health a bit in the post written about Barack Obama and his stand on health care. I happen to have two chronic pain conditions and September was my month to prepare my body to get ready for a heavy dose of injections into the ligaments. By the time I got back on the plane and returned to Southern CA, i had 620 injections of sodium morphuate (fun big word to impress friends). Nope, I didn’t go for a fix of some wonderful elixir to keep me floating above the clouds for a year. I actually had a treatment referred to as “prolo therapy”. This heavy duty dose of prolo is designed to trick my body into thinking I’ve been injured. Guess what! It definitely accomplished that goal. My ligaments were injected throughout the hip, pubic, rear regions to stablilize the joints. I’m extremely hypermobile and my sacrum loves to remind me by rotating to the left and rising in the back. I’d be okay with that if it didn’t cause a whole bunch of pain as it twists and shouts. It doesn’t actually shout, but the pain shouts. I also have sacroiliac joint dysfunction, so the prolo is a must to keep the sacrum in line. For the past two weeks,, I was high on “Demerol” and felt like I had fallen down three flights of stairs on my rear or pride. To complicate matters the abdominal pubic injections led to the feeling like I’d fallen down three flights of stairs on my tummy. Who in their right mind would put themselves through such an entertaining process of pain????? Me and tons of others with chronic invisible pain. It actually will lead to better health and less pain, if we just grit our teeth and bear it. I mention my pain condition in an effort to help people understand that not every healthy looking person, who uses a handicapped parking place, is a real sleaze taking away a space needed by one in the wheel chair. I must keep my walking to even surfaces and avoid stairs like the plague. If faced with a situation where I have to walk uphill, downhill, or climb stairs then I “go for it” in regards to handicapped parking. I also put a great deal of time and mental work into staying in a “NOW Mentaility” and keeping my mind in a “Joyful Place. The mind/body connection is huge. By keeping myself in a state of joy, I’m able to feel better…even when the pain is higher. If a gremlin thought creeps into my head, I can tell because I become fearful, anxious, angry and hurt for no real “cut to the chase” reason. I usually go after that thought and work it out through mental gymnastics or as Martha Beck calls it “Roto Rooter to the Psyche”. This is absolutely huge in helping me stay well. I also help my chronic illness/pain coaching clients learn to think “Joy”, because it immediately diminishes the pain. It’s not that the pain is in our head. The pain is real. However, learning to feel “Joy, Peace, Calm” while your body heals; will automatically bring the pain levels down. The feeling creates the circumstance: wellness; rather than the gremlin thoughts about the circumstance leading to the desired feeling. In September I was preparing my body for healing by thinking joyful thoughts. I was also listening to my body and letting it rest and read and just be. My body and your body really try to talk to us and tell us what it needs. I have pushed through pain and made myself go out feeling awful, but it always comes back to literally bite me in the rear. If you suffer from any of the chronic pain issues that are near and dear to my heart, I’d love to talk with you about the mind body connection and the most promising medical approaches for wellness. I’ve been diagnosed with sacroiliac joint dysfunction, pudendal neuropathy or pudendal nerve entrapment. I know the drill of living with chronic illness and still doing all that’s possible to live a full abundant life. It can be done. However, I know that when I suddenly have to listen to my body and stay home to rest or cancel appointments: I come across as a flake. I’ve been called “Undependable”, and so have most of my buddies with chronic pain. However, the real desire is to cultivate wellness by listening carefully to our bodies and keeping a contract to do what we can mentally to prepare our bodies to heal. I hope this little mini conversation on living with chronic pain wasn’t too boring. Most of us, who don’t look sick, are really a fun group. We would much rather be living without a health challenge. However, it’s absolutely vital that we listen to our bodies and communicate what we need. Do me a favor and just assume that the person, who takes the handicapped parking place, really needs it for a hidden health reason? Don’t give those “able bodied” people “the look”. Understand that there is most likely a hidden limitation that is the reason for parking in the spot for the disabled. If your one with chronic illness, do yourself a favor and listen to your body. If someone dare call you a flake, that’s more of a reflection on their own limited thinking. Let me know if I can help you through coaching. Mary Ann I
Posted: Articles
27
March
2008
I’ll never forget the day, March 23, 2006. My sister was the first to call that morning. Since I have a chronic pain condition, she quizzed me about my health. Somehow it didn’t seem right to burden me with bad news, even though she would end up telling me anyway.
She started by saying, “Something weird has happened. Matthew Winkler was murdered yesterday.” I had trouble processing the sentence, because the words “Winkler and Murder” didn’t even appear to fit within the same context. Then all of the sudden, she alerted me to turn on “Fox News” as the story was just starting to break in the media.
We both saw the picture of the family standing proudly and happily together. Together, we both let out these involuntary shrieks. While attending our Uncle’s funeral in October of 2005, we had all had our picture taken in front of one of the sprays. My cousin Mike’s wife, Pam, took pictures of all of us that day, because this was one of those rare times when cousins and all of the Winklers on my Uncle Wendell’s side of the family were together. We actually watched the picture being taken. The whole “backstory” of the last time we saw Matthew flooded our memories.
The rest of the day, my phone rang continually and the Inbox of my e-mail account was full. I directed everyone to pray for Mary’s safety and the safety of the three precious girls. We were all well aware of the fact that this event could end in further tragedy. Speculation was shared among family members and the most logical conclusion was that someone, who had visited Matthew’s office for counsel, may have been extremely unstable and possibly regretted or was threatened by what was shared. Then this person may have snapped and killed Matthew and took Mary and the children as captives. No one knew……………. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: Articles
9
March
2008
Several of my posts have addressed terms from the book The Secret. Before I had heard of that book, I really had never considered terms like the “law of attraction”. Well, I had, but I thought of it in terms of male/female chemistry, if you catch my drift.
I mentioned in an earlier post that “The Law of Attraction” really works when one is operating from “Your Core of Peace”. Now the big question is “How in the world do I get there?” Great question and I wish I could answer it by directing you to “Mapquest” or “Yahoo Maps”.
“Alas, the answer to a tremendously complex question is simple, but wrong.” I borrowed that quote from someone and really love it. Of course, the point being that unless one has fully evolved and been through some rugged terrain in the school of life, it’s almost impossible to really become in your “Core of Peace.”
When I was in high school, I had great friends and good times. I truly was happy. However, that is the false happiness of youth and a few rough jolts and I was no longer a very happy camper.
The following suggestions borrowed heavily from the wisdom of others and some hard won wisdom of my own are offered to show you that this state of being is available to every living person. It’s never too late to go for it.
1. Live one day at a time. Jesus even commanded this in the Bible reminding the masses that were drawn to him to “Do not worry about tommorow. Today’s concerns are enough. “
Those of us, who try to live as Christians, believe that Christ was divine and had a straight line of communication with God. Our creator certainly gave us a brain quite capable of worrying. Yet, we are commanded not to worry.
2. The way to the Law of Attraction seems to call for going through a really tough “life trial”. Martha Beck refers to this point of the path as moving from the shallows (happy with surface life) into the “Ring of Fire”. I’ve heard it referred to as the “Refiner’s Fire”. Oh the pain and the misery seem to the point of unbearable, when we’re going through this rough time. In my life, I’ve experienced heartache to the point that I was convinced that God hated me or had no use for me. (Definitely a Limiting Belief). I didn’t think that I’d survive the emotional and physical pain of living in high chronic pain for unending months. Yet, I did and as I’ve mentioned before……I came out of the ordeal with a different character. If you’re reading this and feel that you’re “smack dab” in the middle of the “Ring of Fire”, remind yourself that there will be better days. It’s hard to believe, but it will give you comfort if you can hold onto that thought.
3. Learning to be content and truly wanting to be a light to bless the world is part of the mindset that naturally comes with “Inner Peace”. I began to live with a spirit of contentment when I realized that my character makeover had equiped me to battle whatever came my way. During a tough time, my spirit feels this tremendous inner peace, because I know that I’m being taken care of by the divine. When I begin to worry, this is such a contrast to my usual state of being that I have to stop and pay attention.
“Where did that feeling..that thought come from?”. I’ve usually made a decision that isn’t right and my body compass is telling me that I need to navigate in a “Northern Direction”.
Martha Beck points out that human beings usually start from a point of neediness and maybe a materialistic bent, as we try to achieve or attract things into our life. She refers to this as being in the “Shallows”. The law of attraction rarely and usually never works if it’s based on stress, fear, neediness, self absorption. After we triumped through “the ring of fire”, the hard won wisdom gives us a character makeover called “the core of peace”.
The truth is that we attract what we need from “the core of peace”. It could be something of material value, but it comes to you as you are being a light to use your gift to make the world a better place.
I’d love to hear how some of you have been impacted, as you’ve learned to live in the “Core of Peace”. It’s such a cool way to live and there is no way to purchase your way into this state of being and contentment.
Mary Ann
Posted: Articles, Life Coaching through My Blog
1
March
2008
Floating around in our minds without our knowledge or conscientious awareness are cascades of words, statements, views, opinions, truths, etc.; which you’ve accepted as truth.
Sadly, many of us go through life never taking the time or the energy examining a thought or an opinion about ourselves to see if it really has any substance.
While the “It Topic” is “Being Green” and focusing on “environmental friendliness, is certainly a cause that we need to take seriously. We’re stewards of the planet. Future generations will benefit from our intentional decisions to take care of planet earth.
Generational thoughts and beliefs are also passed through the generations through our family systems. We are what we know to be true. Children are raised based on what their parents know about good parenting. This knowledge was obtained by remembering their childhood. In some cases, the parental style was so dysfunctional that the parents choose another style, but a more permissive style of parenting may not be the answer to preventing old toxic beliefs and patterns.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: Articles
27
February
2008
Imagine if you walked into a first day of work in a new job and greeted everyone with an introduction and a “Good Morning. Nice to Meet You.” That seems to fit the realm of what is considered socially appropriate behavior. True??
Picture the scene with a different twist, as you are saying “Good Morning. Nice to Meet You.”; those who are around you either act offended or totally perplexed. You catch the non-verbal signs of “rolling eyes”, “thumbs down”. Coupled with the visual signs that you made a social error, you begin to hear people mutter under their breath, “That guy is a loser.”"Where do they find people like her to hire?” As you pick up the signals, it is apparent that you definitely made a huge social blunder, but what was it. This worked before in other settings or maybe it didn’t work well in another time and place, but you didn’t understand why. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: Articles
26
February
2008
Though I’ve never had daughters, I feel as if I’ve raised tons of girls. As a middle school teacher, i was very aware of the ups and downs of raging hormones. Beginning in the 6th grade, the girls created drama by turning on each other. I spent many lunch hours doing a “Social Autopsy”, which is a tool created by Rich Lavoie. More about that in another post. As the girls moved on to 7th and 8th grade, there was a continual need for attention and theatrics, which included boys. They could turn on boys, but it was over and forgotten in a few days.
The emotional center of the brain, the amygdala, is actually swollen in pre-adolescents and during the teen years. However, the frontal cortex, part of the brain that controls judgment and perceptions, is definitely not developed to its adult potential. Girls tend to have “velcro amygdalas” according to Joanne Deaks, author of Girls Will Be Girls. However, boys have teflon amygdalas, so that’s why your sons don’t hold onto a slight for days and days, months and months. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: Articles
