12
February
2010
Two weeks ago, I had the privilege to hear Daniel Pink speak about his new book Drive, which is all about what really influences human behavior. It’s always interesting to hear what various people pick up from listening to a presentation. My values and life prism filtered the info through the meaning that the surprising results of the research held for educators and the kids served in our schools.
Pink made a point of communicating that, “Yes, people still work for money. They should be compensated for what they’re worth.” Receiving bonuses for a job well done, doesn’t necessarily rev up the DRIVE to be better employees. Perhaps we should think about the bonuses given to CEO’s in our banks and corporations. (Sorry, that’s not the point of the article, but I couldn’t resist).
Surprisingly, money is not the top incentive for a high level of production at work. According to Pink enjoyment of work is based on “Intrinsic Motivation“. People tend to work harder on projects, in which they have freedom to work on their own and create a project related to their job. They’ll stay with the task and persevere for hours, when given the opportunity for autonomy.
Pink described autonomy as self-directed and not controlled management. People could be paid very well, but that doesn’t necessarily lead to joy at work unless they are free to engage in their own project management. As a teacher, I couldn’t help thinking that I would have been much more effective in the classroom, if I worked with some principals, who weren’t into micro-management. We’re losing great teachers in our country and people want to blame it on low pay and discipline problems. However, there is the factor of autonomy that isn’t figured into the equation of teacher retention. I know some extremely bright highly creative teachers, who have transferred to lower paying positions in private schools, due to the “shackles on” atmosphere produced by NCLB. They had a passion for teaching and realized that teaching in public schools was literally destroying their love of education. Taking a substantial cut in pay in a private school with minimal turnover supports the research about the need for workers to have a sense of autonomy.
The 2nd feature of “Intrinsic Motivation” is mastery. Mastery means far more than memorizing facts and passing a test. While grades do motivate students, I saw first hand how working on a project led to far greater comprehension of the facts about history then memorizing dates. When 6th graders, who study ancient civilizations, had to portray a noted figure from a ancient civilization—-Guess what???? They remembered a great deal of information about their assigned character, as they did research on how that person’s life impacted civilization. Getting it right was hugh for these 6th graders. In my opinion, the motivation to play the character made a difference of the amount of information they learned, and better yet the knowledge stayed with them, as they had to process it and create a character portrait of a historical figure. They had a great time and loved learning when given the opportunity. As I listened to Pink, I found myself asking, “What is our goal in education?”If the goal of education is learning, then why not provide the opportunity for inspired action rather than teaching to pass tests.
Pink explained that the last descriptor of “Intrinsic Motivation” has to do with purpose. Service learning offers students an opportunity to learn based on the academic skills used for raising funds to help non-profits and the research they have to play a part in to gather the information to help the charity. With regards to teachers, their passion for children and love of learning inspired them to take many hours of education classes and even gain a Master’s Degree, because they saw teaching as an avocation. They walked in knowing that they were settling to make less money than other career choices would have provides. Again, as time and laws have shifted the role of teaching, I found many of the new teachers in my University classes were ready to quit. They didn’t go into teaching to sit in meetings all day, as most special education teachers do. With a goal to unlock the minds of students with hidden disabilities, there appeared to be a serious difference in their purpose for pursuing the profession and the reality of what the field of special education teaching was all about.
The subject of purpose doesn’t just apply to the teaching profession. All humans seem to have a hugh drive to make a difference and to do something meaningful. Even in the business world, corporate workers want to make a difference. Maybe someone is working for an accounting firm, but they want to ease the burdens of those going through a tax crisis. Zappos.com is a company that sales online shoes and they train their employees to solve customer problems. According to Pink, this is not a waste of human resources; it actually motivates them to work harder. By coming up with creative solutions to make callers with complaints happier, the company actually generates a nice profit.
I realize that I shared about this topic of Intrinsic Motivation with a definite slant toward education. Obviously, Pink’s talk was directed toward the interests of a general audience. However, I believe that it is possible to teach students in a way that reflects a knowledge and implementation of the research related to Intrinsic Motivation.
I’ve seen private schools, who got “Intrinsic Motivation“. Students in these schools were inspired to learn for the autonomy, mastery and purpose that describes the keys to intrinsic motivation. The teachers took a cut in pay, because their spirits were fueled when they came into their classroom to teach in their own way to reach the students.
The private school, that I refer to, is Kirk O’ the Valley Elementary School in Reseda, CA. Their test scores are high and the students still learn the state standards. The school is a non-profit serving children from diverse cultures. Yet, most students receive very high test scores and truly enjoy school and learning. Teachers adopt the same programs for teaching reading, writing math and social studies. Yet, they have the academic freedom to teach these subjects in the way they feel will motivate students to delight in learning. This school really works, as the turn-over is minimal and many parents stay at the school to be part of the staff.
Schedule a visit, if you’d like to see a model of Intrinsic Motivation in Education. Kudos to all their teaching staff, administration and families. Thanks for taking the time and long hours to show that this model of teaching and learning truly is effective.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this subject. How can be help make a shift in our schools to focus more on learning based on Intrinsic Motivation rather than learning to pass achievement tests and benchmark tests?????
Thanks for your comments.
Mary Ann
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog, Social Concerns
26
January
2010
It’s my pleasure to share more of the information from Daniel Pink’s lecture on Pink from his lecture in Dallas on Friday night. This is the 2nd part of highlights from his presentation, which captivated all of us. This fresh insight puts myths about motivation where they belong: In the Past (IMHO)
If you’ve ever driven on CA freeways, it is no surprise that punishment is not a huge motivator for human behavior. Yes, we pay tickets for talking on our phones, speeding, etc., Yet, after renting a car at LAX, I continue to see the same motivation to “Drive”, which is fueled by the need to get to wherever you’re going in the most creative way possible.
Even a nice letter from the CA Department of Motor Vehicles for being an incredible driver doesn’t make a difference. To be honest receiving a “Dear Ms. Lowry, Thank you for respecting our traffic laws while you were visiting our Golden State” probably wouldn’t motivate me to model exemplary driving either. People are busy and stressed and want to do whatever it takes to save time to be with family/friends/ clients or whoever and whatever in the most creative innovative ways possible.
I was a resident and know several escape routes to avoid traffic. My motivation was all about my need to accomplish my own preset goals…unless I needed to make a pit stop, which is obviously a biological motivator. 
Getting to Santa Monica to meet friends for dinner is pure intrinsic social motivation for people like me. It’s all about the friends and not the salad, which would be biological. I did and will continue to find a way to get there to enjoy a hang out night with friends and defy the odds of arriving an hour late via the freeways.
My comments are based on the lecture presented by Daniel Pink in relation to his new book, Drive. After recycling his words in my mind through my experiences as a parent and educator, it was truly fascinating to hear about three findings based on studies. You may find these results surprising. As the cover of his book states, these conclusions support the “The Surprising Truth of What Motivates Us”-Intrinsic Motivation……Findings from the studies were as follows:
When students from MIT in Cambridge, MA were asked to do tasks involving rudimentary (boring) cognitive skills, it seems that the performance was poorer even when higher reward incentives were offered. The same findings were also found when the same study was repeated in India. In India, where the quality of life is really lacking, it appears that higher incentives actually led to poorer performance. “Creative Thinking was valued higher than rewards”. Hmm…my “teacher wired mind” did an 
exorcist spin on that note.
In regards to a study regarding art…commissioned work was rated as less creative as non-commissioned work. Some artists make huge big bucks for their commissioned work. Yet, when expectations and explicit instructions were taken away artists seemed to be more creative.
Note to self and all educators: (Do I really need to give detailed rubrics for each assignment to motivate my graduate students to produce great work? Again, I think that I may have wasted my time by designing model detailed rubrics.) Rubrics offer a way for students to compare their work with the expectations for making a good grade on an assignment. I agree they need to learn the basics, but is there room for freedom to learn to think as students learn?
Interviews of students, who attended an art and design school, determined that those, who chose to attend for external factors (pressure from family, need to do something, need to earn money eventually, etc.) ended up quitting. However, students, who really wanted to be there (intrinsic motivator) usually finished the program and were successful artists. The bottom line according to Pink was that “Those, who are least likely to pursue extrinsic rewards usually receive them.”
These findings defy what we’ve been led to believe about human behavior. I’ve taught the course on behavior management for three different Universities in the Dept. of Education. I’m truly humbled by this information and certainly want to rewind the tape.
Yes, external rewards do work. However, they aren’t the chief motivator for human behavior. Every course I taught had an objective (determined by the powers that be) related to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Survival and safety are on the low rungs of our basic needs, so we know why “carrots and sticks” seem like a good idea. However, pitching “Jolly Ranchers” to students to encourage them to participate in class discussions really short changed the students. Mia culpa to the 3rd power!
The results are in folk and Dan Pink put the pieces together to defy the myth that rewards and punishment are the key to human motivation. Think about your own internal drive. Based on what fuels your passion do you believe that humans were meant to be active and engaged and not passive. This is certainly true for my life. How about your life?
I would appreciate your feedback on Intrinsic Motivation as it relates to business or education. Why do so many people want to “Escape from Cubicle Nation?” Why do entrepreneurs stayed fueled to hang in there even when the money isn’t coming in faster than we can deposit it? Does this new information on motivation translate to a different way to raise our children?
As always, I love your comments.
Mary Ann
Posted: Articles, Life Coaching through My Blog
26
January
2010
On 
Friday night, January 22nd, I had the chance to hear Daniel Pink speak about the principles he shared in his new book, Drive. He began the evening by directly illustrating what motivates us. I listened through the prism of my roles as an educator and a coach.
As you already know, we are all motivated by a biological drive. He illustrated this by offering a sack dinner to anyone in the audience, who hadn’t eaten. As you guessed, he found someone, who eagerly took him up on his offer. A young man bolted to the stage to show that the biological need to eat and drink was definitely enough to get him out of his seat. Sex was also mentioned as a biological motivator with giggles from the audience validating Pink’s statement.
In order to illustrate another motive that “Drives” human behavior, Pink offered a woman $10.00 to parade around the stage and hold the book for 1 minute. While the lady in the front row hesitated, another Texas lady decided that she wanted that $10.00 reward. She stood on the stage in front of an audience of strangers proudly holding the book Drive, so everyone could see the beautiful front cover for one minute. Obviously, this certainly showed how “rewards and punishment” is a 2nd motive for human behavior. A reward of $10 didn’t ring one gal’s chimes, but another woman was happy to get the money. If she hadn’t come forward, as a coach looking for extra cash
to invest in my business, I admit that I might have eventually jumped at the offer. While teens will do anything to avoid embarrassment, my 18 year old niece had that look in her eye that money might have trumped the concern about embarrassment.
Obviously, Dan Pink didn’t come to tell us what we already knew. The surprise in the book, which was the focus of his lecture, was the fact that Intrinsic (Inner Motivation) is the primary form of human motivation. As a teacher, I thought about all the money I spent on stickers, candy 
, and monthly videos to inspire kids to write. Yes, they wrote, but my greatest success with my middle school students was when I arranged for students to write about accidents at an amusement park.
Given that people work harder and produce better work when they’re curious, engaged and connected in relationship, I understand why this assignment hit a nerve with my students. They worked in teams and were clearly curious about why the local parks didn’t mention anything about their accident ratings on their website. When I asked them to determine “Why?”, they were motivated to find the answers on their own. These are students, who had diagnoses of attention deficit disorder and learning disabilities. The content of their reports was some of the best work any of my special education classes produced.
I’d love to hear your comments regarding intrinsic motivation. What are the implications for the classroom?
Your ideas are always welcome…
Mary Ann
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
26
January
2010
Later today, I’m going to post a series of blog posts regarding Daniel Pink’s new book, Drive. His book is a wake up call about what really motivates us. Intrinsic motivation is the real “driving force” behind human motivation.
In case, you hadn’t connected the dots, I’ll confess that it’s ironic to write blogs on the topic of Motivation when I have been AWOL from my blog for a few weeks. I love writing my own blog and connecting with you. You have some super ideas and your comments and private e-mails stimulate my thinking. My readers are some of my best teachers.
When my doctor told me to rest, I took the advice to heart and gave my body a chance to heal from some ongoing physical stuff. While intrinsic motivation is strong, biological motivation certainly is a factor. I’ve already learned one lesson about losing my health
. I decided that I didn’t need a repeat lesson, so I hibernated after our book “Changes of the Heart” was launched.
If you don’t have your healthy, it’s more of a challenge to stay in the game. I’m a huge believer in listening to my body. The exhaustion signaled a need for sleep and I let it happen.
You all are so faithful in reading my content and communicating with me that I feel connected and want to give you the scoop whenever I stop writing for awhile. I’m up and running again, since my medical hibernation has ended. My body always wins and I encourage you to adopt the same practice. We need you and your gifts. Word to the wise: think about the cost of giving your energy away to fight your health battles. Your body is ready to serve you, if you’ll just let it have a voice.
Stay Well,
Mary Ann
P.S. “Changes of the Heart” makes a great Valentines gift. Go to www.changesoftheheart.com to see what I mean.
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
29
November
2009
Changes of the Heart Front Cover
Greetings Blog Readers!!!!
I admit that I’ve been Missing In Action, AGAIN!! Sorry About That!
I’ve been busy writing and doing all the prep work to launch a book that I had the opportunity to co-write with 12 other Martha Beck Coaches.
It started with a conversation between 13 women through a coaches’ forum. As we compared notes, it seemed that most of us had been courted to write a chapter for various publishers of “self improvement” genre.
Someone mentioned that it was too bad that we couldn’t write our own book. Suddenly, fingertips behind computers throughout America and Canada started typing away asking, “Why Can’t We?”
Everything in life has a starting point. Books don’t just happen. The author gets an idea and is inspired to action. This time several authors’ collective brains started making all kinds of neural connections. A vision was planted in the minds of coaches, who totally believe in the power of faith and/or “the law of attraction”.
When Anna Paradox, our editor, shared that we absolutely could co-write a book, the dream or the “Wildly Improbable Goal” (WIG), was launched in our minds.
Thirteen Martha Beck Coaches responded to the challenge by claiming “I’M IN!” Although there is no non-verbal in e-mail and that can get all of us in trouble, according to Daniel Goleman, the excitement was contagious.
Inspired by the enthusiasm of the other coaches, we all committed to the process of contributing a chapter. From the beginning, many of us felt in our hearts the incredible high that usually comes after the success of a project. Martha Beck, our mentor, continues to promote the truth that the “Feelings Come before the Circumstances and the Circumstances Don’t Create the Feeling”. With this mantra in mind, we had a winner before one word had been typed.
If you’ve read Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck, you’ll remember how she invites her readers to watch the magic happen when we see the big picture of our life through the vision of the “Stargazer”. Like the magic described in the book, I saw all kinds of signs and experienced synchronicity over and over again through the process of seeing our ideas take form and become a tangible book.
As I opened my e-mail one night, the music through the radio started playing “We Are the Champions!”. Ironically, the e-mail was from Anna Paradox letting all of us know that our book was now on www.Amazon.com! The timing of the song with my sensation of feeling like the book was a “winner” before one word was written is just one example of receiving a “high five” to the soul.
After I received my actual copy of the book, I took a copy into a boutique to show the owner. She agreed to sell the book locally and decided to purchase copies of the book for herself and family. This is just another example of the magnetic attraction that Changes of the Heart seems to generate. I owe a great deal of gratitude to Rey Rios, who generously donated his time to design this “winning” cover. Thanks to Martha Beck for writing the most incredible foreword. Reading any words that come out of Martha’s mind are incredibly rewarding!!! When people see the book, they seem to feel a genuine invitation to read it.
I know the book will be a winner, because it’s going to touch tons of lives for the best. I hope your life will be enriched by one or more of the chapters in the book. The book covers topics that address life challenges-some mild and some really tough tough times. Amy Johnson, one of the co-authors, described it as a “bedside life coach”. In Changes of the Heart: Martha Beck Life Coaches Share Strategies for Facing Life Challenges: parenting, money woes, work issues, grief, self-acceptance, health crisis, transformation, losing weight and learning about life from savoring the experience of motorcycle riding, etc.
My part of the book is just one slice of the pie. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed sampling the whole pie with my eyes, as I’ve read the chapters submitted by my colleagues, friends and co-authors. Karen, Alina, Holly, Dee, Amy, Polly, Anna, Jo, Erin, Ned, Valerie, and Roma, you all wrote words of hope, encouragement and offered a way out of lives that aren’t working. Thanks so much for your dedication to settle for nothing less than mega excellence.
Join us at our launch party from the comfort of your home by visiting www.changesoftheheart.com on December 1st and 2nd and to receive all the free stuff from e-books to mp3 downloads to teleclasses, etc. contributed by the authors and Martha Beck Certified Coaches and friends.
Best,
Mary Ann
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
28
November
2009
Greetings!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Hope you enjoyed time with family and a bit of a break via the long week-end!
My scale didn’t go in the right direction, so I’m back on the “body compass” eating mode. I have a way of ignoring my body’s hunger signals when there is a lot to eat. I know that sounds like a bit of a complaint. Well, maybe I would like a little pity.
Do you ever wish that you could just eat all of you want and not have the number on the scale go south or stay the same???
I use to wish the same thing. However, I’m starting to REFLECT on everything these days…Kudos to Dr. Daniel Siegel!!!
One of the reasons that we should celebrate when the numbers on the scale go up is due to the fact that it means that “Your Body Compass is Working!” I’ve spent the year learning how to listen to my body, as I’ve battled the bulge. Thirty pounds and about a year later, after hours of coaching and self coaching, I now realize that my body is better than any diet program.
Your body is the same way. By being mindful regarding your body’s hunger signals, you have an automatic system in place to keep the weight in check. I try to stay at a hunger range between (-2 to +2). When I note the slight pangs of hunger, I eat slowly and note when my body registers satisfied. For more information on this system of eating, check out Brooke Castillo’s web site:
www.brookecastillo.com
Brooke was the brilliant life coach, who discovered that our body gives us the “Stop and Go” signals, helping us to determine when we are truly satified and truly hungry.
I began celebrating Thanksgiving week early in the week. I enjoyed the food so much and was not in a great place emotionally. That is not a great combination for me. I began to eat when my body signaled and then screamed “STOP NOW”. You can probably guess what happened, if you’ve ever been prone to emotional eating. My body was “Stuffed”; just as stuffed as the chef’s best gourmet turkey.
The problem is that I wasn’t meant to be a turkey…..and by the way…a stuff turkey has left this earth. I’m not ready for that yet.
My body is so programmed to pay attention to the signals to tell me to STOP, so I paid dearly for my deliberate plan to go ignore my body.
Yes, I did pay dearly with my weight gain. However, that’s not the main thing. The main thing is that eating beyond when my body registers “Stuffed” shows that the body compass hunger scale is priceless. I never leave home without it. It literally felt so physically awful to eat that way after a year of mindful eating that I realized how much I had abused my body in the past.
The scale verified the fact that I stuffed myself, +5 pounds worth. I’m eating via the “hunger scale” again rather than via emotional eating. My body compass hunger scale is very effective and I have the tangible proof from the scale to prove it.
There is a wonderful question that I ask my clients, when they’re going through a life challenge or a truly turbulent time.
“How is That PERFECT?” It’s one of Martha Beck’s favorite coaching questions.
I think I answered what was perfect about gaining weight via this blog post.
Now…go enjoy the holiday season ……without leaving your body hunger compass at home.
Happy Thanksgiving Week-End!
Mary Ann
P.S. Thanks to Bridgette Boudrea, Erin Postle and Tonya Williams for being awesome Weight Loss Coaches!!!
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Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
2
October
2009
My poor blog is collecting dust. I’m sorry that I’ve been away for so long.
Combine finishing the certification requirements to be a Martha Beck Master Coach with settling an IRS audit and a cross country move and I literally had to put my life in triage mode.
Things are settling and I plan to begin blogging on a weekly or bi-weekly basis from this point forward. Really I do! The number one rule for blogging is to post something and show up daily, weekly and I broke the rule.
I decided the best word for the reasons a blog writer doesn’t show up could be caused “Blogcrastination”. So why do dedicated bloggers fall into the dreaded blogcrastination???
10. Challenged by ADHD
9. Listening to too much Texas talk radio.
8. Brain needs a good reflective flossing.
7. Mentally challenged by Twitter world. How does one tweet or retweet?
6. Busy contributing to other blogs as a guest writer for other bloggers.
5. Obsessed with Chicago’s bid to host 2012 Olympics.
4. Waiting for Michael Jackson to be laid to rest.
3. Addicted to Facebook.
2. Forgot to pay Internet bill in June…service just restored.
And the number one reason……… Contribute your own reason!!!!!!! In your view what is the number one reason for blogcrastination????? Whether you are a blog reader or a blogger or a bloggest, why does “blogcrastination” happen to the best of us.
1. Waiting for your ideas!!!!!!
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
24
June
2009
I love it when people send me private e-mails asking me to address topics that may be ignored.
I don’t work in the corporate world. However, I’ve worked in enough school settings to realize that the work is often stressful due to the treatment experienced by employees. In just about every setting,of work environment, there is a huge issue with bullying in the work place.
Help me understand something. I love and applaud a corporations efforts to “Go Green” Doing what we can to be stewards of the plantet is of utmost importance.
Yet, these same corporations, work settings, who let the world know that they are “Going Green”, don’t appear to be concerned about the spirits of their most important resource, the human resource.
What do I mean by Cultivating a Green Mindset? I’m asking everyone to consider that your words, deeds, and treatment to colleagues or remaining staff can either preserve and inspire the human spirit ……OR…..the behavior in the workplace can be downright toxic to the human spirit. In private e-mails I have been asked to cover the topic of “bullying in the work place” Those who survived the downsizing and managed to stay employed may appear to be quite fortunate. However, the angst related to the economy seems to produce a breeding ground for taking out frustrations on colleagues or staff, who work under your leadership.
The frustration is totally understanding. Yet, behaving and speaking in a way that is toxic to the human spirit is seen as okay in our society. A company would receive bad press for practices that destroy the earth and are not “Planet friendly.
Yet, the way you are treated at work or the way that you treat others may need to be held to the same high standard. People are suffering needlessly, because of the abuse of power. Angling to save your position may lead otherwise sensitive kind people to induge in cut throat behavior.
Pay attention to your behavior. It starts with you and with me. Really listen to your words. Are my words designed to build up the psyche of my colleagues?
Are my words and actions actually toxic to the human spirit?
Would you want to be treated, as your colleagues are being treated at work?
Would you throw an empty can or water bottle out your window or onto an open area? I am so programmed to recycle that it truly bothers me if I can’t find a recycle disposal.
What would our lives be like, if our behavior were programmed to “Save our Spirits”. What if you made the same effot to avoid any and all behaviors that were toxic to the human spirit?
That is what I call “Optimal Green Living”. We share the planet with some amazing people. It’s not your business or my business to make their lives tougher, so ours can be easier.
Listen and look at your words today, tomorrow and forever. Are they words to build up your colleagues? Are you destroying a wonderful human resource by watching/tolerating bullying in the workplace?
This seems to be a “new normal” to treat people in ways to get our needs met with little regard for the spirit/souls of the other person.
Next time you think of the importance of “Going Green” consider whether you are really going for Optimal Green Living with your treatment of others just as important as saving the planet.
This may be another “Inconvenient Truth”. However, bullying in the workplace may need to be viewed with the same disgust, as we’d view a corporation, school, business, etc. that refused to consider going greeen.
Id’ love to know your thoughts on this one. Kudos to those of you , who inspired me to write about this topic.
Now go out and really “Go and Live Green”
Blessings,
Mary Ann
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
19
June
2009
As I write this blog, I’m watching “20/20″. The topic of the program is the subject of “What is the New Normal?” The focus of the program is about adjusting to the financial crisis in our country. Everyone has been effected/impacted by the economy. Many clearly saw their “house of cards” and “magical thinking” collapse, as they lived beyond their means, because they could.
It’s obvious that many people were living waay beyond their means and were overextended to the max! We don’t have a choice. People are hitting the reset button and regrouping. They know that they have to change. We’re adjusting to this “new normal” and changing our relationship with money and spending.
However, there is a “normal” that seems to be an accepted fact of life for many Americans, especially women, who are raising children. Women are living on “Overextended Energy”. They want their family to have a quality life and to give their children the best life possible. Their husbands also deserve a wife, who can manage a household and provide healthy meals. Extended family members also deserve their time and TLC. To maintain friendships, they respond to the needs of others. They feel lucky to have jobs, so they give it their all at work. The family is dependent on two incomes to finance their basic life needs and pay for college educations. It’s important that they stay employed and avoid the “downsizing monster”.
Women are nurturers and givers by nature. They also serve through their churches and other community commitments.
However, this overextension is leaving them running on fumes and living in perpetual “exhaustion, feeling tense, headaches”. As I mentioned in the last post, their body is communicating with them “ENOUGH ALREADY”.
If you are living this way, you’ll recognize yourself in this post. You are buying into the myth that others are living this way and
doing it well. 
During a coaching call this week, one Mom nailed it for all of us, who live with a “To Do” list that’s about a mile long.. Once she opened up, the pent up frustration of all that was on her plate led her to identify with the emotion of anger. Through coaching she shared that she needed to keep this up for her family. Interestingly, she mentioned that everyone else was doing it all, so she should be able to do the same.
She had a wonderfully fine tuned internal dictator pushing her to keep up the pace. However, when asked to name these women, who were pulling this amazing “plate spinning” Mom Act off, she couldn’t name one person. A reality TV star came to mind. Tori Spelling was her model of a woman, who could pull off everything. However, when asked about Tori and how her life was similar, it was obvious that Tori Spelling had a huge support system to pull off being “Super Mom”. Like you, my friend, 
had to admit that Tori had assistants, money, and all kinds of supports in place; while she didn’t have the funds to finance paying for a nanny and/or a personal assistant.
There is a sense of urgency in the air that we need to stay in the Mom Marathon and finish strong. Do you find yourself assuming that everyone else is doing it all and making it happen with plenty of energy?
Guess what?? That thought is a story. You’re buying into a myth that your fellow tribe of Moms are able to do it all and being all things for all people. The need to cut back on extras due to the financial crisis may contribute to your energy drain. The money for a cleaning service every other week had to be cut, so you take that on. No one was created to take on so much. If you’re living this way, you are overextending your energy. Listen to your body. Are you getting the signals that you are taking on waay too much?
“I have to do this” may be your belief. Who says you have to? In the famous words of Martha Beck, “You can bag it. You can barter it? You can better it?” It’s okay for you to ask for help. It’s reality and not a weakness that you need help. Begin by “bagging it”. Sure you’d love to bake cupcakes for the swim team snack, but it may be worth it to your energy to buy cupcakes at the grocergy store. You’re purchasing more energy, which is an expense that makes a huge difference in your quality of life.
If you’re living on overextended energy, take an inventory of what activities need to be eliminated. Reactivate your memory. Note three activities that fuel you. Put those in your schedule. They aren’t time wasters. These activities, even naps, are measures of self-care that keep you healthy. You are so worth it.
All comments are welcome to let us know how you’re dealing with overextension of energy. You have control of this. I don’t know anyone, who can do it all without totally burning out or ruining their health. Track your energy expense just as you track your spending habits. You are treating yourself to a gift that will last a lifetime.
Thanks for your votes on my blog. Go to http://www.schoolofcoachingmastery.com/best-coaching-blogs-2009/ to vote if you feel this is a great coaching blog.
Blessings,
Mary Ann
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
8
June
2009
Okay, true confessions time, I have given the same advice to different people, as if I were given them directions to the nearest grocery store. They each told me about a confusing scenario in their life. I told them to check in with their body compass. I asked them, “What does your body compass have to say about that?”
That’s really great advice for someone, who has read and listened to everything Martha Beck has to say. However, there are some people that haven’t had a chance to learn about this wonderful internal GPS system that we each come equipped with.
The other night on a coaching call with people, who were familiar with the term “Body Compass”, I was asked to explain how I really knew what my body was telling me. Responding with an “I just do” was really a pitiful answer.
Based on the work by Martha Beck in Finding Your Own North Star, she introduced me to a wonderful tool that will serve me the rest of my days. Our mind can easily be messed with through social programing and toxic thinking. However, there is one place within all of us that knows the truth about our life mission and destiny. I like to call it “The Seat of the Soul” after the popular book by Gary Zukav. We can’t program our body responses. Our body responds in its own way.
I know when I need to pay attention to my body compass when gremlin feelings pop up like fear, anxiety, jealousy, revenge, dread, etc. All those feelings signal that I’m in some kind of emotional pain. This usually means I’m engaged in an activity or doing something that might not be guiding me on my God given life path. I also notice that I start craving sugar and want to rush out to Krispy Creams to find the answer to my angst. However, the answer will never be found in a donut. At least, it never worked that way in my life.
The answer can be found when we stop and really pay attention and take inventory of our bodies responses. The food addiction that I just menitoned is my body’s way of telling me “This Ship is Pointed Due South”. That’s a huge no. If I’m considering taking a new job and I begin to crave even my toenails, that’s usually a sign that the job may be an incredible opportunity, but I will feel caged working in that environment. Fatigue, forgetting things, losing your social skills, tension in any part of your body are all ways of letting you know that you’re headed in the wrong direction. Your thoughts in your mind may have reached other conclusions. However, listen to your body, it will eventually win and steer you back on course. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
