18
October
2009
Are you wondering if you’ll ever have your life back again?
Does the thought of taking your child out in public seem overwhelming?
Is discipline a much tougher gig than you imagined?
Are you worried about regaining your authority as a parent?
Is homework time a huge energy drain?
If any of these statements apply to you, register for my parenting class “Becoming Your Child’s Life Coach”
Based on my professional knowledge as a special educator and my experience raising my two sons, I’ve put together a class to teach parents how to parent with “Mindsight”…..really having insight into your own mind and understanding your children’s emotions, behaviors and words.
Discipline doesn’t have to be so tough. It is absolutely possible to raise awesome children while honoring their unique talents and skills.
Go to my website and register for “Guiding Your Children to Their Own North Star” filled with tools adapted from Martha Beck’s work and designed for children.
The class will be recorded, so you may take it live or…. listen to the downloads and the recordings. 
The live class begins on Tuesday, October 20th at 11:00 a.m. PDT and repeated at 6:00 p.m. PDT
However, you may register anytime between now and November 30th.
Register at www.createanewseason.com
or e-mail me with your questions: maryannlowry@mac.com
The six session class is only $99 and includes two complimentary personal coaching sessions.
I’d love to connect with any of my blog readers.
This class is designed to be very “user friendly” for parents, but it’s based on the latest research from neuroscience, positive psychology and interpersonal neurobiology. Class will incorporate some of Dr. Dan Siegel’s insights on parenting taken from
“Parenting from the Inside Out”
Best,
Mary Ann
Posted: Raising Great Kids to be their Uniquely Created Selves
9
October
2009
Our childhood shapes our brain in many ways—and so it determines our most basic ways of reacting to others, for better and for worse. When parents consistently practice empathy toward a child—that is, they tune in to the way that child views and feels about her world—they help instill in that child a sense of security and an ability to empathize with others later in life. But when parents act dismissively toward a child, they can make it harder for that child to be in touch with her emotions and connect with other people.
Daniel Siegel has done years of research to support these conclusions. Siegel, a psychiatrist at the University of California, Los Angeles, founded the field of “interpersonal neurobiology,” which explains the brain basis for our habits of bonding with others. His research shows how we can overcome emotional disadvantages that might have arisen from difficult childhoods.
“Let’s say a child’s angry and is starting to throw something,” says Siegel. A dismissive parent focuses on stopping the behavior, instead of acknowledging the emotion that might have caused the child to throw that object. “The emotion behind the behavior is not recognized. It’s not seen.”
If parents consistently fail to acknowledge and discuss the connections between a child’s behavior and her emotions, says Siegel, the child won’t gain any insight into her own thoughts and feelings, nor will she appreciate other people’s emotional states. Siegel calls this ability “mindsight,” and he argues that it serves as the basis of self-awareness and empathy, while also predicting what kind of parent that child will grow up to be.
However, Siegel points out that actual childhood experiences are less important than how we make sense of those experiences. In other words, we can learn to think about our experiences in ways that can help us overcome them. This is good news for parents who had miserable childhoods. In fact, it’s never too late for adults to develop mindsight, because we can always rethink our childhoods, gain a new understanding of them, and thus avoid repeating the mistakes of the past with our own children.
“GUIDING YOUR CHILDREN TO THEIR OWN NORTH STAR: BECOMING YOUR CHILD’S LIFE COACH” is a tele coaching/class I offer from time to time. Since my professional background included years of studying metacognition (teaching children how to think), it’s gratifying by no coincidence that Dr. Siegel’s research validates the practical info that I give parents.
Go to my website and register for a free preview call to learn more: www.createanewseason.com
Register today for the freebies. i’d love to have you as part of the call.
Best,
Mary Ann
Posted: Raising Great Kids to be their Uniquely Created Selves
8
May
2009
I offered two classes in Febrauary and March to teach parents how to be their children’s life coach.
If you’re tired of confronting discipline challenges and ready to have a more peaceful mellow home environment, then you’ve found the right class.
The purpose of the class is to give parents new tools for better more effective parenting. I know many of you have read so much information about parenting.
However, there is very little information out there about how to become your child’s life coach. Through this course you’ll learn a lot about yourself and the thoughts you bring to parenting. You’ll begin to recognize an immediate connection regarding the way you parent and how you were parented in childhood. Even if you’ve deliberately chosen to “not be my mother or father”, you’ll understand how their methods of child raising impact how you raise your own children.
Whether your children are preschoolers, school age, teen agers or young adults, this coaching class will help you understand their unique temperaments and their innate gifts and talents. As you begin to understand your child, you’ll be able to plan a discipline (training) program that is more effective for your child.
Parents in my February class mentioned that they couldn’t believe how the slightest changes in adapting their discipline plan made such a difference in their child’s life. You’ll see the same results.
Here’s a comment from Melissa
“Maryann, I can’t believe how the power struggles have just stopped. My ten year old doesn’t fight me anymore. By understanding the fact that she was challenging me to gain my attenion, it has transformed the way I respond to her and now her behavior is so much better. The change is amazing.”
We’ll end the class by giving you a set of life coaching tools to begin parenting as a life coach. Your end game is to raise responsible children, who go out in the world with the confidence of knowing who they are. It’s absolutely possible to raise awesome children without destroying their spirits in the process.
The class is a bargain, since I want it to be affordable for all parents or anyone in contact with children. The $99 cost includes six free coaching sessions and two personal life coaching sessions. The class is offered via telephone, so parents from all over the country and the world can join in.
Let me know if you have questions. maryannlowry@mac.com
Best to everyone. Hope you’re enjoying a beautiful day like I am.
Mary Ann
Posted: Raising Great Kids to be their Uniquely Created Selves
13
February
2009
My next group teleclass will begin on February 20th. It’s titled:
“Becoming Your Child’s Life Coach: Guiding Your Children to Their Own North Star”
Parenting is by far the most rewarding job that I ever experiences. However, it was also the toughest and most important role in my life. My babies arrived healthy and brought to life the theme “bouncing baby boys.” However, there was no manual as to what to do to nurture, support, discipline and love my new little ones. As a Martha Beck Certified Coach, I wanted to develop a special niche in coaching parents.
I planned this class to equip you withl coaching tools and discipline strategies to make the job of parenting more fun and more manageable. The class is designed to help you raise awesome children by broadening your parenting knowledge while honoring their unique personalities and innate gifts. The class also includes two complimentary coaching sessions for each participant and recordings of all sessions.
Before we will get into parenting tips, we’ll take a look in the rearview mirror of your life. Most people base their parenting skills on how they were parented. During the first and second sessions, you’ll come to a new understanding of yourself and the influence of your family of origin. Parenting skills tend to be passed from generation to generation. That is great if you experienced a wonderful happy childhood. However, I’ve coached many clients, who walk around with untrue false thoughts that they came to believe in their childhood. Some of these thoughts aren’t even true and they’re keeping people from moving forward in life.
I want to give parents the skills to discover their own limiting thoughts. By the way, we all have them. You’ll learn how to be your own life coach to get rid of false beliefs. Through this discovery process, you can change patterns in your parenting that really didn’t work well for you and may not be working well for your children.
Please contact me if you have questions about the class. I can be reached via e-mail:
maryannlowry@mac.com or phone: 818-325-6534.
I look forward to getting to know you.
Mary Ann
Posted: Raising Great Kids to be their Uniquely Created Selves
26
October
2008
Wow! If ever there was a time when we need to live into an adjective, the time has come to be resilient. People, who are resilient, can cope with troubled times with peace, grace and a confidence that this too shall pass. I can tell everyone of my readers to be resilient.
“Oh, while your practicing resilience , save the left overs for your kids.”
I’m offering a series of free teleclasses on “Raising Awesome Children”. This Thursday night, I’ll be teaching the class called
“Cultivating a Resilient Mindset to Raise Resilient Children”. The class will offer much more than a suggestion to be resilient. I think that concept has already been accepted as a given for today’s troubled times. Based on my own knowledge and the research on some of the top authorities on Resilience, I’ll be offering a “hands on” practical parenting class for your own benefit and to apply the knowledge in raising children.
Dr. Robert Brooks suggests “Ten Keys to Resilient Living”. I’ll share much more in the class, but this will give you a peek at what is to come:
1. Rewrite your negative scripts.
2. Choose a path to become Stress Hardy rather than stressed out
3. View life through the eyes of others.
4. Communicate Effectively
5. Accept Yourself and Others
6. Make Connections and Display Compassion
7. Learn to Deal with Mistakes
8. Build Islands of Competence
9. Continue Developing Self-Discipline and Self-Control
10. Maintaining your Resilient Lifestyle Takes Work
*****Pleasure Warning: A Resilient Mindset Will Change Your Life.
Register for the class by sending me an e-mail: maryannlowry@mac.com The times are listed on the page that says “Free Parenting Teleclasses”
When I get your e-mail, I’ll send you the handouts and the call in number with our class code. Hope to hear from
you soon.
Blessings,
Mary Ann
Posted: Raising Great Kids to be their Uniquely Created Selves
15
October
2008
I was asked to write an article for “Stay at Home Mom Answers” www.sahmanswers.com Since this is a blog written to make life easier for my readers, I’m switching topics to post this article. It really is tough being a parent, as well as a joy.
Parenting Teens almost seems like a mismatch of words or an oxymoron. It’s like bringing a glass of water to put out a fire. From my own experience in raising my two boys, work in education and coaching teens, I’ll throw out some thoughts on parenting teens.
1. Give them a daily dose of love and appreciation. Yes, I know that this is extremely difficult especially when they are doing all possible to push you away. However, unconditional love is a basic need of all of us. It will keep some type of open communication.
2. Remember they live to avoid embarrassment 24/7 according to Dr. Mel Levine. Just showing up at their school may embarrass them. Parents seem to be a source of embarrassment for teens just by breathing.
3. Show up for their events at school where other parents will be present. As long as other “nerdy
geeky parents” of other cool kids are around, it’s okay for you to be there. My boys are in their 20’s and they remember that I was there for band concerts, swim meets and any moment where they were on center stage. This sends a great non-verbal message that “You Rock, Sweetheart” without saying the words verbally.
4. Encourage and provide ways for them to be part of activities where they’ll have the chance to around other teens with similar values. When they “hang out” with other peers, likely to have good basic values, like youth groups, it’s helpful to avoid the drug scene and other peer temptations .
5. Remember that you’re their parent and don’t try to be a friend. Attempts by parents to be cool usually fail anyway. They actually like structure and rules.
6. Say “Yes” to requests when you can. I had to say “no” to so many requests like going to parties with no adult supervision. “Yes” communicates that your goal is not to destroy their lives or to keep them from having fun.
7. Be home as much as possible. Have a zero tolerance rule for inviting friends over when you’re not
home. Teens tend to make poor decisions with a house full of friends with no adults present….even great kids will be tempted.
8. Remember they’re minors and need to be protected from themselves. Monitor Internet use and let them know you will be doing that. If you pay for this service or their cell phone, these belong to you.
9. Understand that the judgment centers in teen’s brains aren’t developed as adult brains. Loan them your brain power even if the gift is not appreciated. Their primitive emotional area of the brain is fullly developed and even swollen. They are developmentally self-absorbed at times and need the adults in their lives to provide natural logical consequences and structure.
10. It takes a village to raise a teen. My boys would only talk when they were ready. I became good friends with the girl’s mothers, who would often tell me things their girls told them. Girls have quite a bit more drama that surfaces, but they do communicate. Our job is to protect teens from themselves and to alert other parents to concerns about their kids. Most parents really do want to know, though some will be defensive.
Bonus tip: Volunteer to drive teens to events. As a driver, they perceived me as a deaf chaffeur. I learned a lot of things by turning off the radio, keeping my mouth closed and listening.The sweet child, who they once were, will suddenly come back to you in their early twenties. Teens are wired to be independent and find their own way…even though their methods aren’t exactly the most socially appropriate and kind.
Hang in there, Moms. They still need you and you’ll all make it through this stage in one piece.
Mary Ann
Posted: Raising Great Kids to be their Uniquely Created Selves
17
April
2008
As I’ve talked to people in casual conversation or coaching, I continually hear the word “lazy”.
My kid is too “lazy” to do his homework.
I’m so” lazy” that I waited until the last minute to do my taxes.
My husband is so “lazy” that he can’t get anything done.
Why can’t I get motivated to finish this project? I wish I wasn’t so “lazy”?
We’re going to have to do something about that receptionist. She is so “lazy and inefficient”.
Do any of these phrases sound familiar? We’ve all heard similar comments or even referred to ourselves as “lazy”! I’m certainly not for letting anyone off the hook. I do believe we all are here on planet earth not just to exist, but to find our destiny/calling and share our talents with the world. Yet, as a coach and an educator, I like to determine whether an adjective to describe anyone including you is a fact or a symptom.
So far, as I’ve investigated the rationale behind the use of “lazy” as a descriptive adjective; I’ve realized that most of the time it’s a symptom and shouldn’t be imposed as a limitation. Nothing is accomplished by referring to anyone, even ourselves as lazy. We can shame our children, scold a child, beat ourselves up verbally or give a very insightful lecture on the virtue of hardwork in an effort to solve the problme or to motivate someone not to be lazy. However, these attempts to change someone might work for a day or two or three, but actually have no long term effects.
If laziness is a symptom, it’s helpful to ask some questions to diagnose what the actual problem is?
This list of questions has been helpful in evaluating children viewed by teachers and parents as “lazy”.
Does the child know how to plan?
Can he/she come up with an entry point to be a self-starter in order to complete homework?
Does he/she need mediation (direct questioning to teach the brain to self monitor) in order to complete work?
Is the child able to process more than one direction at a time? This can be evaluated by asking the child to explain what he/she is supposed to do.
If the child can’t supply an explanation of the expectations for completing a chore, etc; please don’t assume that he/she isn’t listening. The issue may be that the child is only ready to process tiny bits of information at one time.
Does the child really have a plan or get what is involved in order to “Clean Your Room” and/or “Finish Your Homework”?
Is the child overwhelmed by the task he/she is being asked to complete? What would happen if the task was broken down into turtle steps?
The brain makes many connections, as neurotransmitters connect all that we need to know and send the information ot the motor center of the brain, the thinking part of the brain, and the planning part of the brain. For most people, who are viewed as lazy, the neurotransmission that needs to happen for organization and planning to occur may not be activated.
The brain is an open system and we can rewire the brain by dividing complex tasks into mini-steps, provide planning forms and teach the person how to use them. Giving someone a daytimer is nice, but if he/she really doesn’t process organization than he/she will need to plan with a mentor or a parent to fully grasp how to use it.
My answer to the main question about ‘Laziness” is that it is a symptom of a need to build up the cognitive structures in the brain that are responsible for planning and organization.
This is hard to grasp, if the significant people is the “lazy” person’s life are skilled in planning and organization. However, don’t write this off as a character flaw. It is most often a symptom of a lack of synapse happening in the brain so the planning neurons can be activated. A child in a wheel chair would not be punished for failure to walk. The child, who appears to be lazy, should first be given an opportunity to be trained directly to plan or break a task into smaller parts.
Punishing for a cognitive difficulty sets the stage for limiting thoughts and a self-fulfilling prophecy to prove the label is appropriate. Organization and planning is a complex brain function. Many adults are captive to limiting thoughts because judgments were made about them as children. These labels may be symptoms. Be careful to stay away from a label. Instead ask a question about what the symptom might suggest.
Any thoughts in relation to yourself or your children.
Let me know.
Mary Ann
Posted: Raising Great Kids to be their Uniquely Created Selves
