27
February
2008
Imagine if you walked into a first day of work in a new job and greeted everyone with an introduction and a “Good Morning. Nice to Meet You.” That seems to fit the realm of what is considered socially appropriate behavior. True??
Picture the scene with a different twist, as you are saying “Good Morning. Nice to Meet You.”; those who are around you either act offended or totally perplexed. You catch the non-verbal signs of “rolling eyes”, “thumbs down”. Coupled with the visual signs that you made a social error, you begin to hear people mutter under their breath, “That guy is a loser.”"Where do they find people like her to hire?” As you pick up the signals, it is apparent that you definitely made a huge social blunder, but what was it. This worked before in other settings or maybe it didn’t work well in another time and place, but you didn’t understand why. Read the rest of this entry »
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26
February
2008
Though I’ve never had daughters, I feel as if I’ve raised tons of girls. As a middle school teacher, i was very aware of the ups and downs of raging hormones. Beginning in the 6th grade, the girls created drama by turning on each other. I spent many lunch hours doing a “Social Autopsy”, which is a tool created by Rich Lavoie. More about that in another post. As the girls moved on to 7th and 8th grade, there was a continual need for attention and theatrics, which included boys. They could turn on boys, but it was over and forgotten in a few days.
The emotional center of the brain, the amygdala, is actually swollen in pre-adolescents and during the teen years. However, the frontal cortex, part of the brain that controls judgment and perceptions, is definitely not developed to its adult potential. Girls tend to have “velcro amygdalas” according to Joanne Deaks, author of Girls Will Be Girls. However, boys have teflon amygdalas, so that’s why your sons don’t hold onto a slight for days and days, months and months. Read the rest of this entry »
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21
February
2008
Okay, I’ll be transparent, open and authentic and admit that my life in 2007 didn’t go as I had planned. Events left me feeling depressed and hopeless for a day or so rather than months. Before I discovered how important my thinking was in making a difference in the direction that my life goes, I have no doubt that the depression and despair would have lingered.
As I read through Martha Beck’s manuscript of her new book Steering by Starlight: Getting Your Right Life No Matter What, I’m convinced that it’s crucial to experience the feelings before realizing our heart’s desire. I spend ten minutes a day focusing on the feelings when everything happens that is on my wish list.
Another very encouraging exercise in this book, which will be out in April, is to begin to “Live Backwards”. Martha invites her readers to talk about very dark times in your life. Not..exactly…an upper, however, we then think about how such an awful time or a life challenge led to some really great events in our life. The point being that we all have a unique destiny. As I looked in the rearview mirror of my memory, I recalled moments from teen years to the present that were some fairly “dark nights of the soul”. I selected one and finished another exercise in which I had to recall blessings that occurred as the result of that/those dismal days.
In other words, on the road to our destiny (God’s plan for our life), the muddy times serve as catalyst, which automatically lead to change. I hate change when my life is humming along nicely. Yet, without these dark periods I would be the person, who I was 10 to 15 years ago with the same values and entrenched thinking. I received an incredible character makeover and even found the opportunity to apply and be selected to train to be a Martha Beck Life Coach through living in the trenches. When your life seems to be full of one disappointment after another, wake up and pay attention. These events are serving as catalysts for change in your life that will allow you to live as yourself and escape a life of settling for routine. Don’t host a pity party. Take some time to process these events, adopt feelings compatible with your heart’s desire even in the midst of suffering. Your body will feel a spirit of calm and peace and a knowing “that this too shall pass” and you’ll be ushered into a new and better life than you ever imagined. Without exception all my dark days forced me to alter my direction in life. I had more opportunities for living an awesome life then I ever imagined.
The same will be true for all of you. Try this exercise. Go backwards down memory lane and write down a distressing time. Then consider all the benefits that came into your life as the result of a challenge, heartbreak and/or “No Good Horrible Very Bad Days”. You’ll be surprised that even the worst events produce blessings. Leave a comment and let me know what you discovered.
Blessings to all,
Mary Ann
Posted: Articles
13
February
2008
One of the changes I’ve made in my life since becoming a life coach is that I absolutely have to
“Live It To Give It”. Basically that means, “I can’t pop off with some theory or opinion unless I have absolutely gone through the discovery process and examined what it meant to me.
The topic of this blog sounds like a Psychology 101 boring lecture, but stay with me this is good stuff. Yesterday, when I taught the first session of the parenting class “Parenting: Guiding Your Children to Their North Star”, we didn’t even get to the 1st piece of advice on being a good parent. Instead I pointed out that the class was all about disciplining (training) their children to become the genuine, authentic person, who they were created to be, without destroying their spirits.
In order to trigger everyone’s memory banks, I asked each person in the class, moi included, to draw stick figure drawing of their family of origin including any significant family relatives, who are usually considered extended family. To represent the power that each person in the family had, the heighth of the person in relation to the other family members showed how this was perceived through adult eyes looking back on childhood. Read the rest of this entry »
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10
February
2008
In her new book, Steering by Starlight Find Your Right Life: No Matter What, Martha Beck continues to inspire her readers to keep their eyes on the prize. What’s the prize? Discovering the Map to Your Destiny. This concept was introduced in the Best Seller Finding Your Own North Star
Martha explains that “Your Own North Star” is the highest expression of your potential to do good in the world while experiencing a rich, fulfilling joyful life . Each person has his/her own unique”North Star”. The path to that North Star can only be found through self-discovery and examining thoughts to determine if your beliefs are truth or barriers called “limiting thoughts”.
The “Law of Attraction” fits into this process as we begin to rely on our body/emotional compass to get a sense of whether our wants or needs or our current situation is right for us. As you begin to understand what is truth for you by paying attention to your body response and your emotions, your “social self” begins to dissolve. Most of us have many tapes playing through our heads that we learned from a very young age. It’s so easy to become entrapped in those thoughts. I think of them as lies from the dark side, because these thoughts rob us of the ability to think beyond whats on TV tonight to make the leap to map out our destiny. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: Articles
7
February
2008
In my last post, I invited everyone to watch Oprah, because Martha Beck would be a featured guest. I adore Martha and her wisdom and hours of study about the human spirit literally helped me change my life one thought at a time.
Martha will be one of the first to tell you that she has a tremendous faith in God. Yesterday on Oprah, she shared that one will not be able to practice “The Law of Attraction” in the shallows. This is a fear based need. Practicing “The Law of Attraction” in the “Shallows is asking for our hearts desires with a clingy want/need laced with fear, worry and anxiety. I’ve been there many times and certainly had the feeling that God had abandoned me. However, the truth is that I had abandoned God. I might have had a tiny drop of faith, belief and surrender behind the petition via the words in my prayer. However, it would have taken a microscope to find it. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: Articles
4
February
2008
A few years ago, while waiting for a flight in the Frankfurt, Germany Airport, I found an intriguing book titled Zenophobes Guide to Americans. There was a guide book for every culture/country written in English, so I was obviously curious to see how Americans were viewed by our cousins in Europe.
<>One of the chapters talked of the American desire to win. As a culture, it appears that everything is about winning. I got an incredible deal on my house. You won’t believe how little I paid for this car. My child is/was an “Honor Roll Student at Super Bee Elementary School”. I identify with these descriptions, as I love to brag about a great find at a garage sale, etc.
<>The part of the book that captured my attention was about the unofficial holiday titled “Super Bowl Sunday”. The author did a credible job of trying to capture our zeal for shutting down everything in our lives and huddling in the living room of friends, a restaurant or wherever to watch “The Game”. Even if one had no emotional tie to the game and the teams, who managed to earn the right to play in “The Game”, many Americans shift their schedules intentionally to make time to see the “Super Bowl” on TV.
<>Yesterday, I enjoyed entertaining my son and his friends, as we gathered in front of the giant TV to watch the Giants and Patriots play the game. The Dallas Cowboys weren’t playing, so I was more into paperwork than actively watching the Super Bowl. However, during the 4th Quarter, as the game clearly was up for grabs; all of us began activitely absorbed in the action. To my surprise we were totally estatic when Eli Manning’s pass was caught in the End Zone giving the Giants a lead, with a few seconds left for a Patriot come back. I actually screamed, because the play was one of those incredible heart stopping moments when magic happened.
<><>As I thought about my excitement over the win, I had to ask “WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?”
<><>I got caught up in all the thrill of victory, because it is truly awesome when the underdog wins. Prior to the game, the Giants defined their team using the word “resilience”. I love a story of the team, who wouldn’t quit and kept getting stronger despite the odds against them.
<><>This is a tough time for the good ole’ United States of America. Several homes are in foreclosure, the economy is wavering, the Iraq war is still an ongoing battle, homes were lost due to fire, hurricanes, etc. However, our country has a pattern of coming back. There is a spirit of resilience and a belief in our ability to recover and regain our footing. Yesterday, as we spent time collectively watching the Super Bowl, we were given four hours to escape worries and cares. We were rewarded for our time by seeing an amazingly close football game. Then to make it more special, the New York Giants managed a huge upset. Perhaps they’re a metaphor for all of us. Though your life and my life may be tough now, there are still magic plays left in our playbooks. By conquering limiting thoughts and holding onto beliefs with the theme of resilience and tenacity; Americans can collectively apply the “Laws of Attraction” with faith that we will see better days. I urge all of you to focus on our come back rather than talk of how awful things are. Keep the faith that God isn’t finished with us yet and there are better days to come.
So what do you think??? I’d love to know if you identify with my thoughts on the Giants being a symbol for the spirit of America and what we hope to regain as a country.
Blessings,
Mary Ann
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