25
April
2008
As I mentioned in the last post, I love love love, love doing some things. I could work on coaching articles and reading/writing blogs all day. However, there are also some things that really do leave me with the feeling that I’m walking around with a backpack full of rocks. Doing taxes is definitely one of those tasks on my “Avoid If Possible” list. I barter some of the responsibility by hiring an accountant, but so far no one wants to sort through files and files of my receipts and Tax forms to make sense of it all. Since rumor has it that I’m not the only American with this issue, I want to share an article written by another Martha Beck Life Coach, Pamela Slim. Here is Part I
<>Enjoy!
What’s a Four Day Win??
A 4-day win is a simple method of breaking large, overwhelming goals into comfortable, bite-sized pieces that are accomplished over a four-day period and anchored with rewards to encourage positive behavior.
Once you complete a 4-day win, you take your buzz of accomplishment and create another one. And another, stringing them together until they become your finished book, or hot body or whatever else you are trying to manifest.
Why four days?
According to Martha:
“When I started exploiting this little bit of psychological numeracy in my coaching, I found that people who had trouble starting a week-long program of change jumped right in if I asked them to sustain a new behavior for just 4 days. I also discovered that after the 4 days, the inertia that had been keeping them locked into a pattern of action-or-inaction-had changed and was now actually pushing them forward. Even though I specified that they were free to step making a change after the four day period, they often said they’d rather continue, because they’d already blasted through this initial resistance and were starting to see positive change. This happened with so many clients that I started to call it “the 4-day win”. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
19
April
2008
In my last post, I brought up the issue regarding whether there really is such a person as a “lazy person”. I proposed that “lazy” might be a symptom for other life issues. As I’ve coached people, including children, I’ve heard them refer to themselves as “lazy”. The “Martha Beck Style” of coaching involves asking really great questions, so I’ll ask them……”Is that absolutely true?”
Guess what 100% of the time, the answer is “No”. They appear to be lazy, but it’s actually an issue related to “Where Do I Start?” Unless a project is something that you are downright energized and “jazzed” by, most of our life tasks feel like “shackles on”. For that reason, you might find yourself referring to yourself as lazy, unmotivated, a procrastinator, a loser, and on and on the “limiting thoughts” cascade through your mind.
Our reptilian brains are programmed to have a flight/fight response to a predatory attack. Although getting my taxes finished didn’t put me in real danger, my mind didn’t quite pick up that message. This never ending avalanche of receipts, looking for receipts, adding up receipts, calculating mileage, putting my finances in some kind of order so my accountant could
“find his entry point” , etc. Some of you know exactly what I mean, so I don’t need to go on and on. You already know the dreaded drill.
My response to completing taxes was more of a “dirty pain” response. Martha Beck shares that “clean pain” is appropriate and is a response to real danger. Conversely, dirty pain is all about my thoughts projecting a “lack and attack” feeling. The “lack” part is true, as I had to borrow money to give the IRS their share and trust that they will put my precious funds to good use (ANOTHER WORTHY BLOG TOPIC). However, the attack part seemed to be the overwhelming nature of putting it all together and following the organizer provided by my accountant. My free time was under attack and self-perception was under attack.
The real issue, when I broke down all the negative thinking and traced the source of all my angst about doing taxes, was the fact that I didn’t have an entry point.
The bottom line issue was that I didn’t know how to get started. I needed some form of task analysist, as we use in special education, to break a huge task into little bitty turtle steps. I decided to apply Martha Beck’s “Four Day Win” to conquering this monster task. It really worked. I got my taxes in to the accountant before April 15th and the check and forms were in the mail by April 15th. I wanted to go to Disneyland, but sadly the money went to the government instead. Oh well. Next year, will be different.
Next post will give more info about “The Four Day Win” and applying the idea to completing taxes.
Enjoy,
MA
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
17
April
2008
As I’ve talked to people in casual conversation or coaching, I continually hear the word “lazy”.
My kid is too “lazy” to do his homework.
I’m so” lazy” that I waited until the last minute to do my taxes.
My husband is so “lazy” that he can’t get anything done.
Why can’t I get motivated to finish this project? I wish I wasn’t so “lazy”?
We’re going to have to do something about that receptionist. She is so “lazy and inefficient”.
Do any of these phrases sound familiar? We’ve all heard similar comments or even referred to ourselves as “lazy”! I’m certainly not for letting anyone off the hook. I do believe we all are here on planet earth not just to exist, but to find our destiny/calling and share our talents with the world. Yet, as a coach and an educator, I like to determine whether an adjective to describe anyone including you is a fact or a symptom.
So far, as I’ve investigated the rationale behind the use of “lazy” as a descriptive adjective; I’ve realized that most of the time it’s a symptom and shouldn’t be imposed as a limitation. Nothing is accomplished by referring to anyone, even ourselves as lazy. We can shame our children, scold a child, beat ourselves up verbally or give a very insightful lecture on the virtue of hardwork in an effort to solve the problme or to motivate someone not to be lazy. However, these attempts to change someone might work for a day or two or three, but actually have no long term effects.
If laziness is a symptom, it’s helpful to ask some questions to diagnose what the actual problem is?
This list of questions has been helpful in evaluating children viewed by teachers and parents as “lazy”.
Does the child know how to plan?
Can he/she come up with an entry point to be a self-starter in order to complete homework?
Does he/she need mediation (direct questioning to teach the brain to self monitor) in order to complete work?
Is the child able to process more than one direction at a time? This can be evaluated by asking the child to explain what he/she is supposed to do.
If the child can’t supply an explanation of the expectations for completing a chore, etc; please don’t assume that he/she isn’t listening. The issue may be that the child is only ready to process tiny bits of information at one time.
Does the child really have a plan or get what is involved in order to “Clean Your Room” and/or “Finish Your Homework”?
Is the child overwhelmed by the task he/she is being asked to complete? What would happen if the task was broken down into turtle steps?
The brain makes many connections, as neurotransmitters connect all that we need to know and send the information ot the motor center of the brain, the thinking part of the brain, and the planning part of the brain. For most people, who are viewed as lazy, the neurotransmission that needs to happen for organization and planning to occur may not be activated.
The brain is an open system and we can rewire the brain by dividing complex tasks into mini-steps, provide planning forms and teach the person how to use them. Giving someone a daytimer is nice, but if he/she really doesn’t process organization than he/she will need to plan with a mentor or a parent to fully grasp how to use it.
My answer to the main question about ‘Laziness” is that it is a symptom of a need to build up the cognitive structures in the brain that are responsible for planning and organization.
This is hard to grasp, if the significant people is the “lazy” person’s life are skilled in planning and organization. However, don’t write this off as a character flaw. It is most often a symptom of a lack of synapse happening in the brain so the planning neurons can be activated. A child in a wheel chair would not be punished for failure to walk. The child, who appears to be lazy, should first be given an opportunity to be trained directly to plan or break a task into smaller parts.
Punishing for a cognitive difficulty sets the stage for limiting thoughts and a self-fulfilling prophecy to prove the label is appropriate. Organization and planning is a complex brain function. Many adults are captive to limiting thoughts because judgments were made about them as children. These labels may be symptoms. Be careful to stay away from a label. Instead ask a question about what the symptom might suggest.
Any thoughts in relation to yourself or your children.
Let me know.
Mary Ann
Posted: Raising Great Kids to be their Uniquely Created Selves
11
April
2008
In April of 2007 I was blessed to have the privilege of spending a week-end in Scottsdale, AZ to be trained to be a Life Coach. After I became certified, she wrote an endorsement for my coaching practice, which I treasure. I’m actually not trying to brag or to suddenly ask for kudos from the cyber world. The main reason that I’m posting this is so you’ll know more about me and will see me as someone, who is a credible life coach and in a position to help you end a life of discouragement or just fine tune your life for the better.
“Mary Ann Lowry is a force of nature wrapped in the kindest possible package. As a cognitive learning specialist with deep and broad intellectual accomplishments, she can wrap her mind around problems that baffle her clients and many other coaches. As a person who’s conquered personal obstacles, she brings empathy and profound spiritual connection to every client interaction. Mary Ann is an ideal coach if you’re grappling with loss, fear, setbacks, or the complexity of building a new life. You’ll be glad you hired her.”
Martha Beck, Best Selling Author of Finding Your Own North Star and Steering by Starlight
I owe her a big thanks for giving me the keys to take the “shackles off”, so I could let my authentic self out of the closet.
Mary Ann
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
11
April
2008
Since I began my coaching practice in January of 2008, I’ve been asked by friends…now what is it that you do. Some of my clients shared during their initial consultation that they felt that my job would be to be a “wise sage” and offer tons of wonderful advice.
As this is a confusing profession, which is growing by leaps and bounds, I’m going to take a few moments to explain what I see as my role as a life coach. My main job is to ask the right questions to help my clients discover the answers that are buried within. When I receive a call for an initial consultation, people usually share that their lives are okay. However, they feel that things aren’t right. Somehow, they feel that their lives have slipped into a dull mundane routine and that they’ve lost contact with their inner spirit or the understanding about “Who am I really?”
Believe it or not this is the typical initial introduction that most people supply about themselves. I’m already excited just hearing that little piece of information. Somewhere under years of planted thoughts, they are aware that life could be better….not just better, but richer, joyful and more fulfilling.
I already believe that the brain is an open system and that people are capable of tremendous change. When a client approaches coaching with this mindset, I have no idea what we can accomplish together. However, I know that the decision to call me shows that there is a seed germinating in their soul of what could be possible.
Given their freewill choice and my skills as a Martha Beck Certified Coach; we begin the coaching process as a wonderful adventure. It’s a “roadtrip for the soul”. I ask the questions, but I don’t tell them the destination. That is based on their own answers to my questions.
As an educator, I’ve spent hours training to rewire the brains of students with learning challenged. One of the cognitive functions that seems to be a struggle for many adults today is “Narrowness of the Psychological Field”. In other words, people are trapped in a mental cage full of limiting perceptions. As I ask the questions and assign activities to begin the rewiring process, it’s amazing to see how insightful my clients become.
One client made a huge breakthrough and finally realized that a life long belief wasn’t true at all. Using the work of Byron Katie, she supplied her own replacement thought and walked out the door as a new person. My clients actually look younger as we go from one session to another. Then as the chunks of limiting thoughts begin to dissolve, it’s fascinating to observe a whole cascade of ephiphanies. I have heard quotes that could have come from any of our most admired writers, speakers and/or leaders. These brilliant insights were buried in the minds of my clients. I love the 4th session when we’ve done enough work to broaden the thinking patterns.
If you’re not happy with any area of your life, whether it be space for yourself and/or relationships, unhappy work situation, troubles at home, or a feeling that your life could be better; contact a life coach, especially someone trained by Martha Beck. We are allowed to use all her materials from her best selling books and articles in “O Magazine”.
I guarantee my future clients that they are in for the most transformative life changing experience of their lives. Give yourself this same opportunity. I am able to coach over the phone and even had a client from Switzerland. Through Skype on the Internet, cost of calls is low. My number is 1-800-720-9307. If you feel you could benefit from personal life coaching, call me or e-mail me to set up a free consultation. You are so worth it. My most reliable e-mail address is malowry@cox.net
Wishing you the super future you deserve,
Mary Ann
Posted: Life Coaching through My Blog
